


we move like the ocean

by nosefrekcles



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-06-28 14:24:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19814143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosefrekcles/pseuds/nosefrekcles
Summary: prompt: jaehyun and johnny were separated for several years for reasons they couldn't help. they finally find each other and have a heartfelt reunion.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic so feedback is welcomed!! this is a prompt that i generated! 
> 
> (brownie points to anyone who knows what the title references!!!)

"Inhale. Exhale. Repeat," Jaehyun told himself as he lay on the ground trying to catch his breath. Taeyong had just called an end to their dance practice, and he still couldn't catch his breath. It wasn't from the rigorous choreography or the hours they had spent preparing their comeback they'd spent in the studio. It wasn't even the fatigue Jaehyun felt so deep in his bones that it embodied his very core. It was the gaping hole in their dynamic. It was the silence that was usually filled with booming laughter and the uplifting spirit of a soul that had been long gone. At times like this, Jaehyun could usually push all the feelings away, but with fatigue setting in, it became hard to bare. 

"He's doing fine," he'd think to himself, “He hasn't messaged in years, but I know he's doing just fine."  
Jaehyun continues the mantra in his head. 

"Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. Just breathe," he repeats in his head. 

Finally, after a long gust of air leaves his lungs, he stands to gather his belongings. As he crosses the room to pack his backpack, Mark approaches him with a look of concern.

"Hey hyung. Are you good? I saw you struggling to recover after the last run through." 

"Yeah I'm fine, just tired," Jaehyun responds, shaking him off.

Mark looks at him wearily, "You know you can always talk to me. You're my best friend." 

Jaehyun begins to wonder when Mark became so wise beyond his years. It was supposed to be Jaehyun taking care of Mark, not the other way around.  
"I know Mark, I know. If it's something serious you'd be the first to know," Jaehyun replies reassuringly. 

Still a little apprehensive, Mark decides to drop the subject. He looks around rocking on his heels and for a second, Jaehyun sees the twelve-year-old he met so long ago. 

"You can have first shower if you want, " Mark says sheepishly, toothy smiley showing. Jaehyun chuckles and smiles at the younger.  
"No take backs," he replies with a laugh. 

They leave the dance studio and Jaehyun can't help but to think about Mark's words because before Mark, there was always Johnny and Johnny was supposed to be his best friend. When they get back to their dorms, Jaehyun gets first shower, as he was promised, and he totally doesn't cry through the whole thing with the sole thought of Johnny in his head.

-  
They meet in the least cliché way possible. 

Jaehyun is sitting in the corner of one of the dance studios waiting for his first training session and he's fucking nervous. He'd only been away from home for a day and he already missed his bed and his mother and the comfort of routine. He also hasn't had the time to meet any of the other trainees yet and he's absolutely shitting bricks thinking about having to meet a group of complete strangers. Yeah, he may eventually be in a group with some of the trainees, but that didn't mean Jaehyun could build a relationship in a day. To ease his nerves, he preoccupies himself with some game on his phone just so he can look busy, until he hears a group of boys walk in. He tries to be inconspicuous when glancing in their direction, but he knows he fails. He doesn't recognize any of them, but he can tell they all know each other prior and he groans.

"Already the outcast," he thinks to himself.

It takes a couple of seconds for the group to realize Jaehyun is even in the room and of course out of all of boys, the tallest one decides to approach Jaehyun's seated form. He slowly walks over and sizes him up with downcast eyes. Jaehyun should be terrified, but he can't help himself when he gets lost in a set of caramel eyes.

"Hmm, new guy," Johnny says over his shoulder, to which one of the younger boys laughs. 

His voice drips so much malice that Jaehyun visibly flinches. Despite the tone, Jaehyun's ears perk up at the use of English and decides to give the taller boy a taste of his own medicine. 

"New guy huh? You're going to have to try harder than that," Jaehyun singsongs back, before turning his attention back to his phone. If you looked at Jaehyun, you'd think nothing phased him, but his mind is racing.

"Holyshitholyshitholyshit."

Both boys stare at Jaehyun in shock, at a complete loss for words. With perfect timing the dance teacher comes in and immediately starts class. Throughout the class, Jaehyun can't even hide his excitement. To the dismay of the other trainees, Jaehyun was praised through the entire class for his dance skills and was even asked to demonstrate a few moves. He finally let go and even joked around with a couple of the others. When practice is over, he packs his bag and puts in his headphones. Before he can reach the door, the tall one, Johnny he had come to learn, stops him with a hand on the shoulder. Jaehyun turns around with a raised eyebrow as he watches the taller male scratch the back of his neck.

"Hey bro, I wasn't trying to be an asshole or anything. I didn't even realize you knew English." 

Jaehyun gives him a once over.

"I studied in America for four years," he deadpans. 

"Duly noted. I'm Johnny by the way."

"I gathered that," Jaehyun begins," I'm Jaehyun."

"Well Jaehyun, would you like to come eat with us? It's on me to make up for being an ass," Johnny chuckles. 

All Jaehyun could do was nod. From that moment on, wherever Johnny went, Jaehyun followed. Their friendship grew until they were inseparable. There wasn't a relationship that the pair didn't know. They grew into best friends, lovers, and enemies, until they were nothing at all.

-

Days had passed and Jaehyun had bounce back like he always did. Whenever Jaehyun broke, it took the effort of all of the boys. They had all grown tired of putting the pieces of a broken Jaehyun back together, but they were family and family never left each other. They all knew too well what losing one of their own was like. 

It was an unspoken rule in the dorms that no one would talk about Johnny for Jaehyun's sake. they'd all learned their lesson the first time when Jaehyun absolutely lost it over the six lettered name being brought up in conversation. Albeit, some members still tried to push his buttons to see if he'd finally give in to his heart,  
"I heard from Johnny the other day," Donghyuck states casually. 

The two boys are watching some drama on the television while Doyoung sits on the couch scrolling through his phone. Jaehyun glances at him, thinks about it, and simply replies. 

"Good for you." 

It's so uncharacteristic for Jaehyun to be cold toward anyone. He's always had a big heart and the soul of an empath ready to sympathize with you. He thrived off of the energy of others and knowing he can makes someone’s day even slightly better by listening. More importantly, he was always slow to anger, but Johnny had always lit a fire so deep in him that could never be extinguished by anyone other than the source.

"Hyung. You don't even want to know how he's doing? What he's been up to?" Donghyuck questioned, trying to mask his hurt at Jaehyun's bluntness.  
Jaehyun sighs.

"Hyuck, you know I don't talk about him. I just can't. He left us and when we needed him and he can't take that aback. He dropped out of my life without asking and he doesn't just get to come back when he pleases." 

"You know why he did it Jaehyun. If you were in his shoes he would have understood."

"Well, I'm not in his shoes, am !?" Jaehyun shouts back.

Donghyuck just stares at him, nostrils flaring. 

"You know what? Fuck you Jaehyun. Stop taking out your lovesick anger on all of us! We can't keep picking up your pieces whenever you decide to breakdown! Just grow the fuck up for once." he begins, "and don't you DARE pull that bullshit about me being too young to understand. I grew up with both of you. i saw you grow and i saw you wither and it kills me every day hyung. It kills all of us to see you like this. You've made someone who was a brother to us into some kind of ghost we can't even talk about. Just please do yourself a favor. Talk to him," Donghyuck pleads.

The room is filled by harsh breathing and the large eyes of a shocked Doyoung sitting on the couch. Donghyuck’s eyes well with tears and a plea for Jaehyun to be better. 

"I- I can't," Jaehyun mumbles and returns his gaze back to the TV. 

Donghyuck shoots out of his seat and storms to his room, slamming the door so hard that the entire dorm probably heard it. The two remaining men sit in silence. Jaehyun glances at Doyoung on to be met with a pointed look.

"You know he's right. Your emotional constipation is irritating and I would love to listen to shitty American music without you getting pissed off. We don't have to talk about this but something has to buff," Doyoung states and returns to his mindless scrolling. 

Everyone told Jaehyun shit would buff, but would it really?


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this hasn't been edited yet, BUT i will eventually.
> 
> my heart is real life broken bye.

After a year of training, there still wasn't a debut date set. Weeks of training soon turned into months that turned into a year, and still, there wasn't a debut in sight. The hard work and the long hours that were supposed to pay off weren't. Jaehyun lies in the twin sized bunk bed, willing his tears to go away. Next to him, Johnny sits propped up, stroking his sweat slicked hair. It's all way too gross and way too intimate for two boys who are just best friends, but Jaehyun can't be bothered enough to care.

With no news or buzz in the air, Jaehyun became disheartened by his lack of activity. The only way Jaehyun has made it through these last few weeks was from his friendship with Johnny. Whenever Jaehyun got too far into his thoughts, Johnny was always there to pull him out from the deep end. Somehow both boys were always in each other’s orbits, never close enough to collide, but close enough to remain in sync, slowly revolve on their axis. Throughout his own internal struggles, Jaehyun could only envy Johnny, not in the way he'd been going on six years of training, but how he handled it all. It was one thing the younger had always admired about the older, along with a laundry list of other things, and it was something he wanted to incorporate into his life. He would do anything to be unbothered by their current situation, but of course, he's failed.

Jaehyun lets out a broken sigh and rolls over to face Johnny.

"Johnny, I'm so tired," Jaehyun says through a sob. He blinks and blinks, but the tears continue to flow. Wide, glossy eyes meet soft, sweet eyes filled with genuine sadness.

"Oh Jaehyun," Johnny replies, encompassing the crying boy in his arms, "If I could give us a debut I would. If I could give /you/ a debut, I would. I know it's so hard, but you've worked too hard to let these feelings get the best of you." 

Jaehyun sniffles, "How do you do it? After all of these years, why do you stay?"

Johnny chuckles lowly and strokes Jaehyun's sweaty hair, which is still gross by the way.

"My love for music," he begins thoughtfully, "My drive to finally succeed. The people I've met. You." 

_You._

Jaehyun's breath hitches. The mere thought of him being a reason for Johnny staying, even though he was at his wits end, awakened something new in him. It was as if Jaehyun was looking at him through a lens tinted rose, similar to that of his cheeks. 

" _Johnny stayed because of me_ ," he thought to himself, almost star struck from the idea.

_Me._

"I know it gets tough. Trust me, I've been there and you know what, it won't get much easier, but you need to find the things that make you happy. When the big picture is out of reach, you can usually rely on the small details to get you through," Johnny explained as he rubbed circles on the younger's back.

"What makes you happy? What is something that makes your days even slightly better?"

"Late night trips to that one twenty-four-hour ramen shop? Letting Doyoung win at Mario Kart so he doesn't kill me in my sleep? Mark pretending he didn't fart in the middle of practice when we all know it was him?" Jaehyun joked.

Both boys are reduced to giggles at the memory from practice that day.

"See?" Johnny presses with a laugh, "you have more than enough reasons to stay Jaehyunnie~"

Yes, there are so many things now that Jaehyun thinks about it, but there is one major thing keeping him right where he is that remains unspoken.

_Johnny._

-

Jaehyun is drunk.

Scratch that.

Jaehyun is _shitfaced._

After his blow up with Donghyuck and his talk with Doyoung, he needed to leave. The room became so stifling that he needed to breathe. Somehow he found himself standing outside a convenient, and he only went to get snacks. With his signature black hat and matching black mask hiding his face, he blends in with the crowd of the sleepless who roam just like he does. He /swears/ he only intended to buy a chocolate bar and a strawberry milk, but somewhere on the way to the milk, his eyes wondered to the light up rows of alcohol. Now he's found himself sitting on a park bench across from his dorms with two bottles of soju knocked out. It's about now that he wishes he had that chocolate bar.

His drunken thoughts suddenly catch up to him, and he decides it's time to go back to his room. He unlocks his phone to see over 80 messages from 127 worrying about his whereabouts.

Taeyong: Where the fuck are you?

Doyoung: Do NOT do this right now

Doyoung: I would expect this from the others but not you

Hyuck: i'm sorry hyung please come back 

Mark: hyuck won't stop crying

Mark: please come fix this

Jaehyun lets out a groan as he runs his hands down his face. He looks at the third bottle of soju for a long second before deciding to crack it open. He knows he's worried everyone sick. He knows he needs to apologize to Donghyuck. He knows he's fucked up and needs to get over it already. He knows. He's aware, but he can't find it in himself to do it. He takes another sip just as his phone buzzes.

Johnny: Jaehyun. Please go back. Everyone is worried

Johnny, the last name Jaehyun ever expected to see in his messages ever again, but there it was staring back at him, laughing. Jaehyun felt his heart pick up at the other boys text. How does he know what's going on? He isn't here so it doesn't make any sense. He can't help the anger that surges through him. Johnny really had the _audacity_ to text him after all these years of radio silence. Without realizing what he's doing, Jaehyun hit the telephone icon and waits for the dial tone. There's a pick up, some rustling, and then:

"Jaehyun," a deep silky voice states through the line. 

It had been years since Jaehyun had heard his name spoken with such a soft timber to it. He hadn't realized just how much he missed the slanted accents and the tiny lisp of the older on the phone.

"Jaehyun?" 

His resolve breaks and out the window goes his will to absolutely rip Johnny a new one is gone.

"Hyung," the younger whispers back, a hint of sadness in his voice.

The dam of years of emotions had finally broken. His anger was replaced with a sadness and a longing he hadn't felt in such a long time. He wanted to yell at him. He wanted to make him feel the pain he'd dealt with. He wanted to question him and actually receive answers. He wanted to lay two deep in the small dorm beds and laugh about the day’s antics. He wanted to reverse time, but all was swept away by the memory of the ghost that haunted them both. Johnny for Jaehyun and Jaehyun for Johnny.

"Where are you Jaehyun?"

"I could ask you the same, Johnny," Jaehyun quickly fires back, slurring his word slightly.

"I'm in Chicago and I'm trying to make sure you're safe. I can tell you're drunk."

"You don't know anything."

"Well I know you."

There's a beat of silence between the two as they try to figure out where the conversation should go.

"I'm on a park bench right outside of the dorm," Jaehyun mumbles with a sigh.

"And?"

"And I'm absolutely hammered," he finishes dejectedly.

A deep chuckle fills his ear and he can't help the warmth that envelops him.

"I know," Johnny replies knowingly, "but why are you doing this?"

Jaehyun has the wind knocked out of him because why does he do any of the things he does? Why does he find himself watching shitty American shows? Why does he find himself lingering over boxes of Frosted Flakes? Why does he run off and get hammered alone?

"You. It's because of you."

The ugly truth, spoken between the ghost and the broken heart after years of avoidance. Johnny is still the reason Jaehyun's world goes round. No matter how angry he wants to be, he can't forget the older. He can't throw away all the late night talks or the awkward phases they went through together. He can't throw his feelings in song lyrics and forget. Johnny was always there and even when he's gone, he still sits on a pedestal in the back of Jaehyun's mind. They may have been revolving at different paces, but Johnny still remains in his orbit.

Johnny sighs into the receiver.

"Jaehyun, I-"

"Not right now, hyung. Please." 

"Okay. Another time," he replies, deflated, "Now go inside and get in bed. I already know Taeyong has water and meds set up for you."

"I will," Jaehyun replies getting up from the park bench.

"Goodnight, Jaehyun. Don't be a stranger," Johnny says before the line clicks dead.

As Jaehyun laid in bed that night, he allowed himself to cry for the first time in months. After a few minutes, he hears the click of the door and feels the bed shift. Two small arms wrap around him. He hears sniffling and decides to turn around.

"Jaehyun-hyung, I'm so sorry. I know how talking about Johnny-hyung upsets you and I still did it. I'm so sorry," Donghyuck cries into his chest.

"It's okay, Hyuckie. I'm not mad at you," Jaehyun whispers, stroking his hair, "You were right." 

"I know I'm right," Donghyuck sobs, "It still wasn't fair to you though."

"It's okay. It's okay. We can talk in the morning."

"Can I sleep in here?" Donghyuck questions, with teary puppy eyes.

"Of course."

The two fall asleep in a mess of tears, but the air is cleared and Jaehyun has a realization. He can't let the ghost keep haunting him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @seoluvciub
> 
> leave feedback and kudos!!!

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @seoluvciub


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